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Running away isn't always possible
22-Sep-2020 | Shine News

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Love for a violent Dad – A KIDshine journey
15-Apr-2021 | Shine News

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“Why can’t Dad come home – I miss him”

These words broke my heart. My eldest son David* loved his Dad so much.

David had been so angry for a long time – but the final straw for him was when I couldn’t take any more of his Dad’s verbal and physical abuse, and called the Police. Both my kids were confused and angry - refusing to talk to me and frequently lashing out. When I look back now, there had been a steady change in both of them as our family unit gradually imploded.

When the KIDshine advocate Debbie* came to see me after the arrest, she spent a lot of time listening to understand about my struggles through my relationship, and how confused I felt about what lay ahead of me. We also talked lots about the needs of my children and the issues I’d been facing with them.

Before Debbie introduced herself to my kids and began to help us, I had known with a heavy heart that I had gradually been losing my lovely, bubbly children.

David had always looked up to his Dad a great deal, but he’d begun skipping school, was becoming more and more defiant, and showing sure signs of mirroring his father’s aggressive behaviour. I could see that in few years I would potentially be fearful of him too. Amy* my daughter had become steadily withdrawn. She was struggling at school and when she came home, she would quietly do her homework and then retreat to her room. She was becoming increasingly nervous when her Dad was at home.

Over the years, I had tried so hard to shield them from the abuse I was receiving. I would make sure the house was tidy, with no toys or anything lying around when my husband came home. If he arrived home in a bad mood and started yelling or verbally abusing me, I would send the children to their room so they didn’t have to witness what was coming.

Debbie spent time with my children together and separately. She patiently listened, asked questions, and gave them the space to open up.

Amy shared that she was constantly on edge and scared of doing something wrong around her father, believing that if she left things lying around, or her Dad didn’t like what she said that I would end up paying the price for it. She had heard him telling me that I was a ‘useless mother’ and threatening to have them taken away from me.

She was exhausted, just trying to do everything she could to prove I was a good Mum. All this was affecting her own mental health. She couldn’t concentrate at school and was so scared of her Dad that she didn’t want to ever be alone with him.

David also opened up to Debbie. He said that he had very little respect for me and felt I was weak for not standing up to my husband. His Dad always had money and came and went as he pleased. He liked to talk the big talk, telling David about being ‘the man of the house’, and demanding respect. It was no wonder David had begun to take on similar traits.

Over time, Debbie aided hugely in rebuilding and strengthening our family. She helped my children understand that our marriage wasn’t safe or healthy - that no one should live in fear of a family member, and that we should be able to speak or act freely without fear of punishment. She offered reassurance that although Dad wouldn’t be coming home, they could still see him. She also helped create a safety plan and gave them important tools to support themselves and each other.

I’m so incredibly grateful that with the help of KIDshine, I was finally able to have my children happy and settled.

Thanks to all of this hard work, David and Amy now feel much more at peace and are managing a lot better at school. I’m happy that we are now safe and have been able to work on rebuilding our relationships, and that we are all sleeping better and feeling much more content.

Where a while back I didn’t know what my children’s future would look like, and would often lay awake worrying about how it might go - I now have high hopes for a happy and fulfilling life for them both.

I cannot thank Shine enough, and especially our KIDshine advocate – for their wonderful support helping David, Amy and I rebuild our lives and keeping violence out of our home.

— Jayne* (David and Amy’s Mum).

With over 90,000 children exposed to domestic violence each year and many going on to repeat the cycle of domestic violence in their own adult relationships, it’s crucial we are there to support them - not only to heal, but to understand how to live violent free lives.

With your help Shine can be there for the thousands of families facing situations like this every day. You can help support children like David & Amy who are escaping their violent homes by donating today.

*Names changed and representative images used to protect identity

DVFREE endorsed by Women's Refuge
08-Mar-2021 | Shine News

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From March 2021, Women’s Refuge Responsive Workplaces Programme and Accreditation will be merging with Shine’s DVFREE Programme and DVFREE Tick Accreditation. The merged programme will run under the banner of DVFREE, with the endorsement of Women’s Refuge.

This merger eliminates unnecessary duplication of services, within a specialist sector which continues to be significantly under-resourced for addressing the epidemic of family violence in Aotearoa New Zealand.

DVFREE support can help to ensure that:

Your employees who experience domestic violence are offered the most effective workplace support and safety possible, including a referral to specialist services that may be Women’s Refuge, Shine or another specialist provider.
Your workplace is prepared to respond appropriately and safely to employees who perpetrate domestic violence, and
All of your employees know what to do if they’re aware that a colleague is experiencing or perpetrating domestic violence

Domestic violence is a New Zealand epidemic. Any large employer, and many smaller employers, will have employees who experience domestic violence. It has a significant impact on the wellbeing and productivity of employees who experience it, as well as on co-workers and other people around them. It impacts on employees who are supporting a child or someone else close to them who experiences it. And it impacts on the wellbeing and productivity of employees who perpetrate it. The financial cost of domestic violence to New Zealand employers is estimated to be close to $400 million a year.

Employers and businesses can play a vital role in creating a safe and supportive workplace for employees who experience domestic violence, and holding staff accountable for work-related domestic violence while supporting change. Collectively, employers can drive a culture shift to dramatically reduce rates of domestic violence across New Zealand. Increasingly, businesses also want to provide a safe and supportive response to customers who experience domestic violence. Taking steps to create a good domestic violence workplace programme and customer response programme demonstrates social responsibility, and proactively contributes to solving an insidious social problem.

AA Insurance’s Head of People and Capability, Nikki Howell explained why AA Insurance chose to get the DVFREE Tick: “Our people are the most important part of our business and looking after staff, which positively affects business outcomes, is a good reason to take a stand against violence. The other is that it’s just the right thing to do.”

Suncorp New Zealand awarded DVFREE Tick
05-Mar-2021 | Shine News

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Suncorp New Zealand was awarded the DVFREE Tick from Shine this week, joining a growing number of employers committed to a workplace free from domestic violence.

Suncorp New Zealand’s worked with Shine to achieve the DVFREE Tick by developing training and support to ensure employees are equipped to support colleagues affected by domestic violence, and to help those experiencing domestic violence feel safe and supported at work.

“Domestic violence is not tolerated at Suncorp New Zealand, and I hope that our ongoing collaboration with Shine and the DVFREE Tick programme will make it easier for employees affected by domestic violence to raise their voice and ask for help,” says Catherine Dixon, Suncorp New Zealand Executive General Manager People and Culture.

“As an employer, we can support our people when we know about the things that might be impacting their health and wellbeing. For employees, a workplace should be a safe place of refuge, and a place where employees know who to go to and feel confident they will be supported when they need help.”

She says with an increase in flexible working, and the recurring lockdowns and self-isolation requirements due to Covid-19, increasingly an employee’s home is their workplace. “With specialist support from Shine, we are able to provide our people with a work environment where those affected by domestic violence are able to and feel supported to speak up, are treated with dignity and empathy, and where safety and privacy is protected.”

“Suncorp have made a significant commitment to addressing the issue of domestic violence, with corporate sponsorship and staff fundraising for Shine for the last several years, and also now with support being provided for their own people impacted by domestic violence. We are so proud to be a Suncorp community partner,” says Shine’s General Manager Sally Ward.

Suncorp is the 15th employer awarded the DVFREE Tick, with more currently working towards this accreditation. Hundreds more employers have engaged with DVFREE training and policy consultation services, and well over one thousand have downloaded the DVFREE Guidelines for Policy and Procedures.