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If a partner or ex-partner is controlling and abusing someone, it may be impossible for them to find safety and freedom without support and advocacy from others.
You can help a victim get safe and stay safe. Your donation can give them the advice and options they need to find safety.
Shine advocates help with practical support and work with other agencies to coordinate services and advocate on a victim's behalf. The pandemic has created terrible conditions for domestic violence. Our Advocate Team Leader says it's the "most horrific violence" she's seen in two decades. We need your support to help as many high-risk victims as possible.
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Do you need help?
If you have a partner, ex-partner, or family member who is controlling and abusing you, it may be impossible to find safety and freedom without support and advocacy from others.
If you think you or someone else is experiencing domestic violence, you can call Shine’s helpline 0508 744 633 for advice on the best and safest way to get help.
It is OK to ask for help. You deserve to be safe, and you have the right to live with dignity, free from violence, fear and someone else controlling your life.
Shine’s domestic violence helpline 0508 744 633 free & confidential, nationwide in New Zealand. Open daily 9am-11pm.
Video created by Chillbox Creative with actor Kiri Naik
“Why can’t Dad come home – I miss him”
These words broke my heart. My eldest son David* loved his Dad so much.
David had been so angry for a long time – but the final straw for him was when I couldn’t take any more of his Dad’s verbal and physical abuse, and called the Police. Both my kids were confused and angry - refusing to talk to me and frequently lashing out. When I look back now, there had been a steady change in both of them as our family unit gradually imploded.
When the KIDshine advocate Debbie* came to see me after the arrest, she spent a lot of time listening to understand about my struggles through my relationship, and how confused I felt about what lay ahead of me. We also talked lots about the needs of my children and the issues I’d been facing with them.
Before Debbie introduced herself to my kids and began to help us, I had known with a heavy heart that I had gradually been losing my lovely, bubbly children.
David had always looked up to his Dad a great deal, but he’d begun skipping school, was becoming more and more defiant, and showing sure signs of mirroring his father’s aggressive behaviour. I could see that in few years I would potentially be fearful of him too. Amy* my daughter had become steadily withdrawn. She was struggling at school and when she came home, she would quietly do her homework and then retreat to her room. She was becoming increasingly nervous when her Dad was at home.
Over the years, I had tried so hard to shield them from the abuse I was receiving. I would make sure the house was tidy, with no toys or anything lying around when my husband came home. If he arrived home in a bad mood and started yelling or verbally abusing me, I would send the children to their room so they didn’t have to witness what was coming.
Debbie spent time with my children together and separately. She patiently listened, asked questions, and gave them the space to open up.
Amy shared that she was constantly on edge and scared of doing something wrong around her father, believing that if she left things lying around, or her Dad didn’t like what she said that I would end up paying the price for it. She had heard him telling me that I was a ‘useless mother’ and threatening to have them taken away from me.
She was exhausted, just trying to do everything she could to prove I was a good Mum. All this was affecting her own mental health. She couldn’t concentrate at school and was so scared of her Dad that she didn’t want to ever be alone with him.
David also opened up to Debbie. He said that he had very little respect for me and felt I was weak for not standing up to my husband. His Dad always had money and came and went as he pleased. He liked to talk the big talk, telling David about being ‘the man of the house’, and demanding respect. It was no wonder David had begun to take on similar traits.
Over time, Debbie aided hugely in rebuilding and strengthening our family. She helped my children understand that our marriage wasn’t safe or healthy - that no one should live in fear of a family member, and that we should be able to speak or act freely without fear of punishment. She offered reassurance that although Dad wouldn’t be coming home, they could still see him. She also helped create a safety plan and gave them important tools to support themselves and each other.
I’m so incredibly grateful that with the help of KIDshine, I was finally able to have my children happy and settled.
Thanks to all of this hard work, David and Amy now feel much more at peace and are managing a lot better at school. I’m happy that we are now safe and have been able to work on rebuilding our relationships, and that we are all sleeping better and feeling much more content.
Where a while back I didn’t know what my children’s future would look like, and would often lay awake worrying about how it might go - I now have high hopes for a happy and fulfilling life for them both.
I cannot thank Shine enough, and especially our KIDshine advocate – for their wonderful support helping David, Amy and I rebuild our lives and keeping violence out of our home.
— Jayne* (David and Amy’s Mum).
With over 90,000 children exposed to domestic violence each year and many going on to repeat the cycle of domestic violence in their own adult relationships, it’s crucial we are there to support them - not only to heal, but to understand how to live violent free lives.
With your help Shine can be there for the thousands of families facing situations like this every day. You can help support children like David & Amy who are escaping their violent homes by donating today.
* Names and some details changed to protect privacy
From March 2021, Women’s Refuge Responsive Workplaces
Programme and Accreditation will be merging with Shine’s DVFREE Programme and
DVFREE Tick Accreditation. The merged programme will run under the banner of
DVFREE, with the endorsement of Women’s Refuge.
This merger eliminates unnecessary duplication of services,
within a specialist sector which continues to be significantly under-resourced
for addressing the epidemic of family violence in Aotearoa New Zealand.
DVFREE support can help to ensure that:
Domestic violence is a New Zealand epidemic. Any large
employer, and many smaller employers, will have employees who experience
domestic violence. It has a significant impact on the wellbeing and
productivity of employees who experience it, as well as on co-workers and other
people around them. It impacts on employees who are supporting a child or
someone else close to them who experiences it. And it impacts on the wellbeing
and productivity of employees who perpetrate it. The financial cost of domestic
violence to New Zealand employers is estimated to be close to $400 million a
year.
Employers and businesses can play a vital role in creating a safe and supportive workplace for employees who experience domestic violence, and holding staff accountable for work-related domestic violence while supporting change. Collectively, employers can drive a culture shift to dramatically reduce rates of domestic violence across New Zealand. Increasingly, businesses also want to provide a safe and supportive response to customers who experience domestic violence. Taking steps to create a good domestic violence workplace programme and customer response programme demonstrates social responsibility, and proactively contributes to solving an insidious social problem.
AA Insurance’s Head of People and Capability, Nikki Howell explained why AA Insurance chose to get the DVFREE Tick: “Our people are the most important part of our business and looking after staff, which positively affects business outcomes, is a good reason to take a stand against violence. The other is that it’s just the right thing to do.”
Suncorp New Zealand was awarded the DVFREE Tick from Shine this week, joining a growing number of employers committed to a workplace free from domestic violence.
Suncorp New Zealand’s worked with Shine to achieve the DVFREE Tick by developing training and support to ensure employees are equipped to support colleagues affected by domestic violence, and to help those experiencing domestic violence feel safe and supported at work.
“Domestic violence is not tolerated at Suncorp New Zealand, and I hope that our ongoing collaboration with Shine and the DVFREE Tick programme will make it easier for employees affected by domestic violence to raise their voice and ask for help,” says Catherine Dixon, Suncorp New Zealand Executive General Manager People and Culture.
“As an employer, we can support our people when we know about the things that might be impacting their health and wellbeing. For employees, a workplace should be a safe place of refuge, and a place where employees know who to go to and feel confident they will be supported when they need help.”
She says with an increase in flexible working, and the
recurring lockdowns and self-isolation requirements due to Covid-19,
increasingly an employee’s home is their workplace. “With specialist
support from Shine, we are able to provide our people with a work environment
where those affected by domestic violence are able to and feel supported to
speak up, are treated with
dignity and empathy, and where safety and privacy is protected.”
“Suncorp have made a significant commitment to addressing the issue of domestic violence, with corporate sponsorship and staff fundraising for Shine for the last several years, and also now with support being provided for their own people impacted by domestic violence. We are so proud to be a Suncorp community partner,” says Shine’s General Manager Sally Ward.
Suncorp is the 15th employer awarded the DVFREE Tick, with more currently working towards this accreditation. Hundreds more employers have engaged with DVFREE training and policy consultation services, and well over one thousand have downloaded the DVFREE Guidelines for Policy and Procedures.
ALERT LEVEL 3 (AUCKLAND) 15 February, 2021: Shine, and all NZ domestic violence and sexual violence crisis response services, are operating at Alert Level 3. This means:
You can ring our Helpline for domestic violence information and support for yourself, or advice about helping someone you know, at 0508-744-633. This number is answered 7 days a week, 9am to 11pm. If it is busy, please ring back. You can also chat to a Shine helpline advisor via webchat on our website 2shine.org.nz Click here to find out more about how we can help you.
NOTE: If there is an emergency, and someone is being hurt or threatened, ring Police on 111. If it's not safe to speak, ring 111 then when the operator answers, stay silent and push 55 on a mobile (or push any number on a landline phone) to be put through to Police.
If you need to contact Shine, please call 0508-744-633. The Shine Kingsland office is open for contactless drop offs between 9am and 4pm.
We will update this page with further information about access, services and office hours, so please check back daily.
Refuge/safe house accommodation for women and children escaping domestic violence is still available throughout the country. Ring our Helpline for more information.
If you have questions about how to access our services, please ring the Helpline 0508-744-633.
Go here to read about help and support throughout NZ for family violence on the Government COVID-19 website.
TRIGGER WARNING: Video shows domestic violence and assault
This award winning video was produced by Noleen Natasha Dayal Mrs Universe New Zealand 2021. Based on true events, this powerful video presents an experience of domestic violence and the thoughts of a victim/survivor.
Produced with actors there is no extreme violence and no one was harmed in the making of the video. However, it may be upsetting for some people so viewer discretion is advised.
“This is for everyone out there who faces violence everyday but doesn't have the strength to walk away.” - Noleen Natasha Dayal
Cast: Anglyn Alicia Dayal, Amit Ashween Chand, Azaleah Alicia Prakash
Camera: Merlyn Dayal
Producer: Noleen Natasha Dayal
Soundtrack: Garrett Garfield – Don’t Wait (Domestic Violence Awareness Tribute)
Shine is grateful to the Mrs Universe New Zealand pageant and its candidates for their ongoing support in raising awareness and funds for victims and survivors of domestic violence.
Do you need help?
If you have a partner, ex-partner, or family member who is controlling and abusing you, it may be impossible to find safety and freedom without support and advocacy from others.
If you think you or someone else is experiencing domestic violence, you can call Shine’s helpline 0508 744 633 for advice on the best and safest way to get help.
It is OK to ask for help. You deserve to be safe, and you have the right to live with dignity, free from violence, fear and someone else controlling your life.
Shine’s domestic violence helpline 0508 744 633 free & confidential, nationwide in New Zealand. You can also use the webchat on Shine's website to talk to a helpline counsellor. Open daily 9am-11pm.
Mitre 10 have converted an old shed at a Shine refuge into a kennel for housing up to three dogs.
In June last year, Mitre 10 called for nominations of community DIY projects across New Zealand that needed makeovers or a helping hand as part of its new Mitre 10 Helping Hands programme and asked Kiwis to vote. Shine’s kennel project was one of two chosen out of 250 entries.
With only one other refuge in New Zealand accepting animals, this project will make a significant difference for those needing to escape unsafe situations, says Shine’s acting General Manager Sally Ward.
“Our clients say that their pets are an important part of the family, as well as their emotional support and many will stay in an unsafe situation because they cannot leave their pets behind. This project means that they don’t have to.”
Thank you to the team from Mitre 10 and everyone who voted for Shine’s kennel project!
Come and enjoy a Pub Quiz evening, with a drink on arrival, drink specials and a silent auction on the night with all proceeds going to Shine.
The event will open at 7.00pm with the Quiz starting at 7.30pm, so please make sure you enter with plenty of time.
It will be held upstairs at The Kingslander. Tables will be from 4-8 people, so please book as a group or under one booking name. Numbers are limited so book via Eventbrite soon!
A big thanks to The Kingslander and all our sponsors for helping us make this happen.
Location: The Kingslander - 470 New North Road, Kingsland, Auckland 1021
Tickets are $25 on Eventbrite and include a drink on arrival
Doors open 7pm
Event starts 7:30pm
While 2020 will be remembered by many as the year of COVID, staff at Shine and other family violence services, will remember it as a "horror" year, according to Shine's Policy Advisor Holly Carrington. Holly and Shine's Advocate Team Manager Debbs Murray spoke with Newshub about the increased severity and ongoing nature of the violence.
View the Newshub video clip and read the article: Last year described as 'horror' year for domestic violence in New Zealand, Newshub, January 2021
Important update: Shine’s popular Light it Orange campaign is being moved to 6 – 12 June 2021. Shine’s Community Fundraiser Carol Herbert says it will give everyone more time to plan and prepare.
We’re looking forward to turning the month of June orange. Watch this space for details!
If you’re holding an event between now and June, please contact Carol Herbert (carolh@2shine.co.nz). I’m more than happy to help where I can.
“"When I got to the Shine refuge with my boys, I felt an enormous weight lift off me. I realised how much anxiety and fear I had been carrying around for so long. Shine helped me get a Protection Order and Parenting Order against S. Within days, I began sleeping and eating normally again." ”
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